A Rude Awakening
In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that I would lose my husband while we were still young and had young children. I would have cried just imagining the possibility. When I lost my husband to covid, broken doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. Grief was consuming me, and I knew that I would not be able to care for our nine children if I didn’t do something. I had to fight. So, I did the only thing that I knew for sure would save me, and I did it with a passion: I cried out to God.
Sitting in the Shadow of the Temple
As believers, we can spend many years in the courtyard of the Temple. I can honestly say that for twenty-four years, I was in the outer courtyard. My husband led me to the Lord when we first met, and, to some extent, I was following his lead for many years. The problem was that I considered myself a strong believer—a passionate believer even! Today I know that I was defining myself by a set of beliefs that I strongly agreed with. That is not the same as having a deep personal relationship with God. About a month before my husband got sick, I started to feel that maybe something wasn’t exactly right in my faith. Soon enough, I would discover what it was.
The Invitation
Today I know that God did not pay the ultimate price for us to sit outside the Temple. He wants us with Him, and He is calling each of us to enter into the Holy of Holies. We have worship songs about it, but entering into the Holy of Holies is not a special feeling we get during an anointed worship service. Entering into the Holy of Holies is a life journey. To embark on that journey, there are a few essential first steps we have to take. Without them, we will never make it.
The First Step into the Holy of Holies
Setting aside time with God every day has to be a priority. If we do not invest time in connecting with God, we will never enter into a real relationship with Him, and we will stay in the outer courtyard. Staying in the outer courtyard does not mean that you are not saved. But being in that place for a long time, where there is still a lot of the world and its distractions in you, makes it a lot easier to get up and walk away altogether.
You Come Alone
Like I said, for many years I was following my husband’s lead in my faith. I was fellowshipping in our congregation. I was listening to powerful messages and worship music. All of those things are absolutely important. But you can’t come into a personal relationship with God in a group. You have to come by yourself. Alone.
When I found myself completely alone, without anyone to lead me, that is when I found the way. When I was drowning in grief after losing my husband, I began crying out to God constantly. Every day. All day sometimes. Before I knew it, I was tasting something I had never known before: a real relationship with God! To be clear, it is only by His grace, not by my efforts. I just make the time to sit at His feet each day, something I had never done before. The more time I spend at His feet receiving from Him, the more grace He gives me to make time in my schedule to be there.
Jealous Love
God desires us to be with Him so much and is jealous for our affections. It is extravagant love, and it is also dangerous love. What do I mean by dangerous? If we do not give Him our hearts now, in His great love for us, He may decide to take something from us that we have let take His place in our hearts. Anything that takes the number one place in our lives instead of God is called an idol. Sometimes they are so close and dear to us, we can’t even see them.
Removing the Idols
We can decide to remove the idols ourselves. When an idol is removed against our will, it hurts! If God in His grace and mercy decides to remove an idol from our lives, it is an act of love. Today, I am in a place where I can say that I am grateful He took my husband home to be with Him. Now, I know you are thinking, “That is extreme! Why would she say that?” I can say that because when I lost my husband, I truly found God. And I can say to you that truly finding God is more precious to me than any earthly love that I could experience, even more precious than the amazing relationship I had with my husband and having him in my life.
My husband and I were amazing together. Our relationship was so blessed, especially in the last few years: we had been through so much together, and we were in a season of our love that was just so blessed. Still, that amazing love we had does not compare to God’s love. I know that my love for my husband and our relationship were in a more important place than having a relationship with God. Nothing should take the place of this amazing love in our lives: not our children, not the love of our spouses, not work or success. Nothing compares to it. Remove the idols from your hearts now while there is still grace! For twenty-four years, I was a lukewarm believer. Now that I have truly tasted and seen that the Lord is good, I don’t ever want to be in that place again.
My prayer for you is that God would open your heart and draw you with cords of love to begin the journey to know Him in a deep way, that He would enlighten your spirit, that He would reveal Himself to you as a living, loving God who is jealous for you, that He would draw you by His Holy Spirit into the Holy of Holies where He will share His secrets to your heart through the revelation of His Word, in Yeshua’s holy name, amen!
by Monica Obreja
Areye says:
Thanks Monica,
I needed this. It touched my heart. There is still a lot of progress I need in my relationship with Him. Thanks for sharing it.
May the Lord continue to bless your you!
Areye
The Netherlands
Monica says:
How we can ” work” for a better relationship with God? Purposely putting time apart for prayer , worship, time to listen from Him …..
Emanuela Weiss says:
Thank you sister ! So nice to see you again Monica ! May the Lord flow through you by His precious Spirit, mercy and grace – as you and your children are serving Him faithfully ! Blessings and Love – Emanuela
Monica says:
Hi Emanuela. I will be more than grateful if you will sustain me in prayers for my children . For now some of them are still lukewarm. For sure God will work in their lives
My prayers for them are that they don’t loose 40 years in the desert!
Jackie says:
Thank you Monica,
Your words have helped me very much in helping me to find my way with God.
Thank you for sharing,
God bless you ,
Jackie.
Monica says:
Smart people learn from their mistakes but wise people from the mistakes of others.🙂
Arnella Rose says:
Dear Monica,
Your sharing is clear, simple, direct, truthful and anointed. Thank you.
I have a wonderful walk in the security of my Father’s love. However you left some hints in your brief sharing which is stirring me to aim for what will only be a more intimate walk with Abba and Yeshua. Again, thank you.
I would be happy to hear/learn more about your life and walk as you journey with Abba and your nine children!
Shalom,
Arnella
Monica says:
Hi Arnela. Yes indeed my journey with God continues. And I am sure that I didn’t see yet all the good plans that He have for me…. I am in expectation. 🥳
Diane Devine says:
Thank you Monica for sharing your story and for bringing beautiful truth to us❤️
Michelle says:
Thank you for sharing this beautiful testimony and the deep expression and great love that ABBA has for His sons and daughters.
David M Bevan says:
Thank you Monika , a real challenge and encouragement to my soul…may you continue to know an ongoing, supportive and deepening relationship with Abba God through His Son Yeshua…David UK
Monica says:
It’s our daily choise.To dedicate ourselves to God EVERY DAY.
Jim C says:
That is a good word for today. Life is such a challenge now and I feel myself being drawn away from things that should not be there. It is the time to prepare and get close to God and submit ourselves. Thank you for sharing
Monica says:
Is a time of spiritual awakening.
Nina Ruth says:
Thank you, Monica. I’m so sorry for your loss
Nina Ruth says:
Whoops, it posted before I finished my thought. Yes, I am so sorry for your loss! But as I am learning, and your timely word from the Lord confirmed, nothing compares to the love of Abba Father, as expressed in Yeshua, and in his presence is fullness of joy! 3 years ago after the homegoing of my beloved mother, the Lord comforted me through a very special and godly friend. But perhaps his love and friendship had become an idol to me, and I became very dependent upon his relationship with the Lord instead of my own individual one. Time and distance and distraction seem to have taken that relationship away, and I have been left bereft with a broken heart, trying to figure out what happened. But now I see that the Lord is gracious, and He wants me to know Him and love Him for Himself!
Thank you for sharing your story! ️ ❤️
Monica says:
Yes. God is a jealous God. He give us friends to help us but He took them away if we put them I His place.
Mark Rodgers says:
Hi Monica,
Thank you for sharing this testimony. The Holy Spirit has used this to touch me and speak to me. He is definitely calling us to come in from the outer court Thank you so very much.
Monica says:
Yes. He want i ntimacy with us.
Vivien Firth says:
Thank you Monica for sharing your story of loss and great gain at the same time. How wonderful is Yeshua who gives and takes away and give again fresh vision for a new season in our lives. Keep sharing your story your children are blessed.
Pat Q. says:
Thank you for sharing, Monica. I love your story. I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through with the loss of your husband with having to raise nine children by yourself (in the natural, that is). However, I love how this journey has brought you closer to the Father. It has spoken to me deeply and I needed that. Blessings, sister.
Laisa says:
Thank you Holy Spirit for speaking to me this morning. Amen Amen Amen.
Michelle says:
Thank you Monica for sharing your heart and the grace of Yeshua in your life. I am married 24 years today and our marriage has not been very good. I am praying and crying out to God to save it and make beauty from the ashes. I am spending more time w/ Yeshua to change me. I have hope:) My sons are not walking w/ the Lord either. Abba may all our children come to know Your deep extravagant love for them and choose life in Yeshua! Amen Blessings and shalom to you, your family and all at Tiferet Yeshua!!
Eitan Shishkoff says:
Dear Monica,
I have been praying for you and your children ever since your husband’s going to be with Yeshua. What a profound joy to hear your heart of hearts in this testimony. Thank you for sharing your life with such vulnerability. What an essential message you are communicating. May God continue to take you deeper and deeper, in ways that you can pass on to the rest of us for inspiration and spiritual growth. We need you. With love, Eitan
Monica says:
Shalom Eitan. I am perfectly aware that I am in the position I am in, thanks to your prayers. You, those who prayed for me, were the ones through whom God worked the most.
Anah sabine says:
Merci Monica pour ton témoignage tres édifiant et vraie.Notre Seigneur yechoa et aussi notre époux .il veut prendre la premiere place dans nos vies.Rien n e peut égaler la relation d’intimité que l’on a avec notre bien aimé époux.Sois fortifiée Monica car tu l’as rencontrée et je suis heureuse d’avoir lu ton temoignage car cela répond à mon cri de grandir dans la profondeur dans cette relatio. Que notre seigneur soit avec toi et tes enfants .
Margaret Hampton says:
Blessed Monica,
Thank you for sharing your heart & testimony with us! What an Awesome description of total surrender & dependance on Abba & Yeshua. We need to hear these things… most nearly all of us seriously fall short of depending on, listening to & trusting totally. In our LORD. Your heart is a true testimony!
God bless you & hold you in the palm of His hand. Margaret
Sonam Christopher says:
Thank you Monica for sharing this. I have been in the wilderness for 40 years and have finally come into the inner courts and still have a long way to go. Your message is full of hope and inspiration. I will be praying for your children.
sonam
United States